I resonated with this post deeply, especially when panic ensues. Anyone that suffers with panic disorder will tell you that when a panic attack happens it takes SO MUCH out of you, that by the time you finally calm down, you just want to sleep. It exhausts the entire body physically and mentally. Not to mention, if I can’t calm myself down naturally (which is always the first option via breathing techniques) then I have to pop a 5mg Valium and that’s pretty much it for me for the rest of the day.
I’ve learned to listen to my body and when it needs rest. If I need a 4 hour depression nap midday so be it. If I’m tired from doing one thing that day so be it. I’ve learned to stop trying to force myself to live according to what’s “normal” for other people. I am not them and you are not them. Listen to your body. Nurture yourself. Do not feel guilty about getting rest if you feel you need rest. Yes, I know there are things to be done and a life to be lived, etc, but sometimes you just have to say “FUCK IT” and take care of you. And when you let yourself have that rest, without feeling guilty about it, then you may find yourself recharged and more optimistic when you wake up. Works for me :)
I think the most frustrating thing I hear is how embarrassed people are to talk about the state of their mental health. And I get frustrated because I find that if more people would be honest and open up about how they are feeling mentally, they would find that they are very much not alone.
The thing is, the more people I meet, the more people I find are suffering or struggling in some way with their mental state. Yet they are scared to ask for help, they don’t know where to start, and they just don’t know how to fix how they feel. This breaks my heart. I was in that place once but I learned that the only way to get going on the path to healing is to take the first step. And also, that other old saying, “only the sqeaky wheel gets the oil” So lets get squeaky-
I’ve suffered tremendously with panic disorder pretty much my entire life. I used to be so frustrated and unsure of how to help myself I’d wish I were dead, instead of having to live this Hell. That my friends, isn’t the answer. So here’s a list of things I wish I would’ve done-
1. I wish I would’ve looked up support groups in my area and met up with those people.
2. I wish I would’ve spoke up to my parents and people I confided in and told them how I was feeling, instead of just cutting alone in my room, settling for that quick rush of endorphins (a brief and destructive escape from the pain)
3. I wish I would’ve written down how I felt everyday in a journal and brought it to a therapist or counselor
4. I wish I would’ve started taking a better look at my environment and what I was putting into my body and what I was letting surround me in my life. FYI- Sometimes it isn’t your brain, it’s your environment.
5. I wish I would’ve worked more closely with my psychiatrist to find a medicine that worked for me. (I’m still working on this)
6. I wish I would’ve tried homeopathic things first, incorporating magnesium into my diet, trying CBD and taking a daily omega fatty acid supplement.
7. I wish I would’ve started meditating
8. I wish I would’ve found a supportive group of friends who understood me and what I was going through and eliminated the toxic friends
9. I wish I would’ve read more self help books. There are so many amazing ones, just go to the self-help section of any bookstore and you will find one on your particular illness I promise.
10. Most importantly, I wish I was never ashamed. I wish I had understood that there is nothing to be ashamed of. You wouldn’t be ashamed of having diabetes so why be ashamed of mental illness? The stigmas of everyone that has mental illness is “crazy” need to go. Your brain can have problems just like any other organ in your body and it doesn’t mean you’re crazy, or fucked up, it means you have a problem, a very real problem, that deserves just as much compassion and care as any other organ in your body.
So do yourself a favor. If you only do one thing of the many things I suggested on this list, please give yourself grace. Let go of the shame, let go of the embarassment, and let go of the stigma. The moment you do that is the moment you can finally get on your way to being the you, you deserve to be ❤️
So I suppose this is probably one of the most cliche sayings any of us have ever heard, but I had to title my post that because it’s so true. I have not always been a nice person. None of us have been. In fact, I’m sure there’s been a time in each of our lives when we knew we weren’t being nice but went along with it anyway because we were hurting inside. We wanted to make the other person feel as bad as we did.
The sad thing is, how do you know that person isn’t already feeling bad inside? That they already have enough going on and the last thing they need is you throwing your two cents into a dollar game.
I’ve said mean things to people. I’ve said terrible, hurtful things, thinking I was defending myself but not realizing that there isn’t any reason to defend with anger. To defend with anger is merely to engage. To add gasoline to a fire. Truly the only way to extinguish a flame is to the not feed the flame. Let the flame die out on it’s own. Because it will.
I can honestly say in the last 2 years I have made a conscious effort to think before I speak. To not criticize others, or use hurtful words in my defense. I have learned to argue with class, though I prefer not to argue at all. Because truthfully, at the end of the day, none of this matters, and none of it has to do with you. It has to do with their own pain and their own issues with themselves.
Not to be morbid but when you really think about it, none of this will last. The pain, the anger, the hurt. We will all be dead one day and if our spirits have the ability to think I’m sure they will be shaking their heads that we even wasted our precious energy/time entertaining such pointless things.
So with that said, I hope if you are feeling hurt, or down or bothered, you realize the impermanence of all of this and the impermanence of all of us and just try to focus on the things that bring you joy in life.
Being one of those people that’s constantly plauged with anxiety, I often find it hard to believe that I’m not having a heart attack. My heart will be beating a million miles a minute, and I’m 100% guaranteed that I’m about to die. I used to make my dad drive me to the emergency room when I was seven years old because my heart was beating so fast, pounding out of my chest, and I swore that it was the end. Well now I’m 32 years old and I’m still here. I’ve been to a plethora of doctors, and had my heart checked several times, with monitors, halters, stress tests, etc. The doctor says that I’m fine other than a slight regurgitation in my mitral valve. Every time I go to the heart doctor he reassures me that I’m not dying of a heart attack, and that I’m a healthy young girl and that I have nothing to worry about. That reassurance lasts for a few weeks, and then I’m back to being paranoid again.
But I find it hard to figure out what comes first. The panic, or the fast heart rate? Because sometimes I’ll just be sitting there and my heart will speed up completely out of nowhere, and then I’ll start to panic, making my heart beat faster, and then I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack, or arrhythmia of some sort. So how does one tell the difference? Well clearly I’m not a medical professional, but I’ve done a ton of research on this having gone through this myself 1000 times. And here’s what I’ve found:
According to brightside.me The main difference between a heart attack and a panic attack is the feeling of constriction. If you feel like your heart is in a vice and you cannot take a deep breath, and the pain in your chest is unbearable and spreads up to your jaw, left arm and back, that is most likely a heart attack. In panic attacks, the heart may be beating quickly, and there may be some chest pain but you can still breathe, even if you can’t catch your breath you can still take in large gulps of air without feeling restriction. When you’re having a heart attack, you will not be able to take deep breaths, or you will struggle to. Female patients have described the feeling like a “bra being too tight.”
According to thecut.com-“You can’t deep-breathe your way out of a heart attack, but you can deep-breathe your way through a panic attack. If you feel your heart racing, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth several times in a row. If it helps, you’re probably just panicking. If it’s a heart attack, that deep-breathing is going to hurt.
Also, it’s much less likely that a heart attack or come out of nowhere without any kind of exertion. It’s usually some sort of exertion like it’s the heart rate up, that leads to the heart attack, whether it be shoveling snow or going for a run etc. if this video heart rate comes out of nowhere while you’re just hanging out, it is most likely a panic attack.”
Also if you have any kind of medicine to treat a panic attack, take it as soon as you are having this pannicked feeling, such as Valium or Xanax or whatever you may use. If the feeling begins to subside within a few minutes after taking the sedative, then it’s definitely a panic attack. If the feeling keeps happening after taking the sedative, you may want to go to the emergency room.
Lastly, “Can a panic attack lead to a heart attack?”
“No” says MaryAnn McLaughlin, a cardiologist at Mount Sinai. “It’s easy to fear that a racing, fluttering chest sensation could be doing real damage to your heart”, but Dr. McLaughlin says that’s not the case. “An important thing to tell yourself if you’re having a panic attack is that it is not going to cause a heart attack. Even if the heart rate is going fast, it does not lead to a heart attack,” says McLaughlin. “It’s like you’re running a marathon, but your heart is a presumably strong, [young] heart.”
So hopefully this will help you in one way or another, to either to go to a cardiologist and get checked, or to help you calm down in moments of panic. I myself have downloaded an app called “Kardia” this app allows you to take a medical grade EKG at home, and for the premium membership will store your EKG in the app to be shared with your doctor anytime. You can take your EKG from your smart phone with a device that they send you and it records it directly to the app.
I wish you the best, and a stress free, heart attack free, beautiful life ❤️
I hope your days are more good than bad. I hope you smile more than you frown. I hope you laugh more than you cry. But most of all I hope you never stop hoping, because that is where the magic lies
Do you believe more people are good than bad? What do you live for? Today? Tomorrow? The past? I am frequently saddened by the idea that people hurt one another so much without even batting an eye. How did we get this way? So cold. My heart breaks every day, and I know I shouldn’t care but I suppose I am plauged because I care too much. I feel too much. I think too much. Too much of everything. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to be almost mindless…yet other times I enjoy my erratic thoughts. They take me places books and movies often can’t. I wonder if anyone ever really gets to know you. Your true self…the one that’s reading this in your head and thinking things about it. That one. You.
People say they want to feel “normal” but normal is undefined. What is normal to one person may be chaos to another. I think what they mean to say is that they want to feel comfortable in their own skin. It gets tiring when you’re a square peg living in a world of round holes.
Today was my birthday. Last night I was in the ER with pain in my right side, shivers, fever etc. which they concluded was a ruptured ovarian cyst. But when I was sitting in the hospital I was thinking about so much. I’m 32 years old now…a lot of things have come and gone in my life…lovers, friends, feelings, emotions, success…but the one that has remained…is me. I’ve made it this far. 32 years…I’ve been on this earth for 32 years…
I’ve had heartbreaks that could shatter mirrors and belly laughs that could rumble hills and love that they could write novels about. My eyes now have tiny lines that reflect times I’ve cried and my mouth has tiny lines that remind me of the times I’ve smiled. And even though I look back at times and think of all I’ve been through…I wouldn’t change a thing….
This has been my journey…this has been my path…and every thing that is and isn’t happening is supposed to be that way. It is all exactly as it is and as it should be.
So if you ever feel lost… or question if this is the direction you’re supposed to be going or not, just know that if it wasn’t that direction you were supposed to be going, you wouldn’t be there…. keep the faith
